Have I got news for you

Did you know that foreigners who want to live in Britain have to pass a government test to get in? It's true, and some of the questions are harder than "Why does everyone hate Manchester United?"

So the Have I Got News For You team have, in a moving and totally out of character display of public-spiritedness, compiled this Guide to Modern Britain to help guide you around, er, modern Britain. With reassuringly jaundiced reflections on everything from the global recession, religion and the Royal Family to the NHS, education and the media, it's a handy primer to the British Constitution, even though we don't actually have one. (How clever is that?) Think of it as the sort of manual you get with a car – enough information to help you check the oil, though not enough to re-balance the steering.

Packed with useless facts and unhelpful cynicism, the Have I Got News for You Guide to Modern Britain will help you understand exactly how the most ingenious, resilient, resourceful and proudest people on earth became the Twittering, touchy-feely, fame-obsessed, flu-fearing wimps that they are today.